Just A Little Longer

I guess I don't know how to hold on.
The ledge is slick, like the rain would fall just to watch me do the same.
And God knew it too.
See, let me tell you the truth: I don't want to feel like this.
Like there are so many things that drown me, gasping for air becomes normal.
Like there are rivers in my eyes that flow at the slightest drop of walls.
Like constant battles leading to internal bleeding.  I guess I wasn't stitched up as well as I thought I was.
And who is going to care if I don't?
You see, being sad is like catching a cold.  If others are around you, they feel it in the air.
So they choose the simple solution:
They don't come around anymore.

And an article said that depression comes from too much sadness and not enough coping mechanisms.  Nowhere to run from the never ending waves of pain that come but never recede.  There is no moon that could pull this tide away.
And over what?
When I was in a more suicidal time in my life, someone said, "You'd kill yourself over a boy?  That's pathetic."
But that wasn't the reason.  And there is hardly anything said now-a-days that can't be traced to a deeper meaning.  What I meant when I told this person how I was feeling was, "How come I love to the very marrow of my bone and no one (this boy was a particular figure at the moment) ever seems to feel the same?"
I feel the same now.
And I thought that we only felt new things once, but it hits even harder the second time around.
You see, this is what gets me:
I will love anyone that lets me completely and utterly.  Unconditionally.
And every time, despite knowing that it is rare, I expect the same.
I expect the same.
I expect the same.
Not different.
The Same.
Maybe if I weren't such a fool, then I would save myself from feeling like this.
So I am sorry if you don't want to be around me anymore.  If my lack of faith in this world or in God is dragging down your set feature titled 'happiness' in life.  But.
Sometimes the water rushes over my head.