VaCuUm

Maybe I sat in class too long, because even words are getting old.

There is no good way to tell you I’m leaving, but maybe even then, you wouldn’t know what I said.  Je ne sais pas? 

I wandered around our apartment and wondered if I should take a picture.  Homes are only solid if you stay in them.  I’ve got 18 tick marks on my wrist, with two states and people lost along the way.  It wasn’t a massacre, but it was bloody just the same.  Is it ever kind when you pick up and go? 

I didn’t get homesick until I went home.  It was seeing how the wall paper was replaced and the smile on the face of my mother made me wonder if I was an addition or a rendition.  I’m not the newest version, not the 9.1 updated on her Iphone.  My phone’s been broken, but they wouldn’t have called anyway. 

I call when I can.  Isn’t that what a college kid is supposed to do?  But maybe I’m the mother, waiting for someone to call and the rest is just undiscovered.  I guess I thought that moving out would prove a point.  I didn’t think it would mean moving on. 

So, I’ll waste more time on Etsy.  Heaven knows, I should be writing my paper instead of self-destructing.  I don’t have enough bills to wipe my tears.  We had a cleaning inspection and I forgot to put my heart in the drawer.  It’s probably left on the floor from when I threw it there last night.  If we fail, I’ll tell them I couldn’t pick up the pieces, because they’re too spread out.

Use a vacuum, they’d say. 

I checked the bag.  It’s already filled with the bullshit I found and threw under my bed.  My roommate told me to clean it up.

If there was a vacuum to clean up sorrow, then hell, I’d save up my money and expedite it to me.  Two days, at minimum.  I could guarantee a pass and a better roommate.  Because we can hang up polaroids and stay up until 4 am.  We could gain 10 pounds and take a dance class to work it off.  We can skip every class at least once a week and fail one of the ones we actually liked. 

But my heart is bruised.  Is it possible to scar from a distance?  I didn’t want you to move on without me, but I guess you have your own cleaning to do.